Friends & Family,
As always, we thank you for your continued prayers and support as we figure out how to be Jesus to the people of Pittsburgh. The spiritual, emotional, moral, and financial support you so generously and kindly provide always humbles us; we know it is Christ working in and through you, and we praise him for that! Thank you for being faithful to us just as Christ is; be sure that we always see him in you.
Over the past month or so, we have experienced some changes in ourselves that were neither expected nor exactly pleasant at the time (what transformation is?). I think it mostly started on the 4th of July when I had an emotional breakdown at my parents' house in Kentucky. Emotional breakdown is actually too kind a term to use... I had a full-blown pity-party. While Nicholas tried to console me (yet still breathe hard truths into me and ask me challenging questions about the deep-rooted issues that were causing me to feel this way), my mother simply looked at me and said, "You just need to get over it and stop feeling sorry for yourself." Oh, the dear Lord knew that in that moment I just needed a smack in the face from my beautiful Kentucky mother. Until she looked my pain in the face with the warmest, most clarifying apathy I've ever experienced, I didn't even know that the root problem of my heart was self-pity, and a self-pity brought on by the cloud of expectation that I had allowed to loom over my head for far too long.
You see, where I come from (the South), being a wife means that you stay at home, clean the house every day, have a million babies, and live to serve the every whim of your husband and give up every dream you ever had. That's all. Now, I am not saying that I do not keep a clean house, hope to be a mother some day, or do not lovingly submit to my husband in all things, but I have always known I have been gifted with more talent to use for Christ's kingdom than just my reproductive system and ability to scrub a floor. However, instead of letting Christ show me exactly the kind of wife he wanted me to be over the past year, I just tried to shove myself into the role of a typical Southern house-wife, and I failed HARD (and I am not bashing women who are stay-at-home mothers... y'all deserve to get paid millions of dollars every year and you're saints and the best people alive). Yet, because of my inability to be like this kind of woman, I constantly felt like a failure. What's worse, though, is that over the past year, I haven't just become a wife, but a pastor's wife. So, not only have I been killing myself trying to be a sexy-flawless-apron-wearing-cleaning-baking-always-smiling wife; I have also been killing myself trying to be the kind of woman that always has fresh coffee and homemade biscotti waiting for the five thousand women I'm supposed to "mentor," who never EVER misses a Sunday at church, bakes something for every occasion, volunteers for every position available, and who only goes by the name of "Nic's-wife." And, once again, I have failed HORRIBLY at being this kind of woman (and thank JESUS I go to a church that does not expect me to be a nameless robot, but a human being with her own set of skills and interests who doesn't get persecuted for missing a Sunday and not knowing everyone's name - AND I AM NOT BASHING PASTOR'S WIVES WHO LIVE TO BE MOTHER'S OF THE CHURCH AND BAKE AND BABYSIT AND NURTURE BECAUSE YOU ALL ARE INCREDIBLE AND BEAUTIFUL AND I LOOK UP TO YOU). I just don't 100% fit this mold, even though I do like talking to women at the church, going to church (duh), baking on occasion, and even volunteering! These are all lovely things.
I guess the gist of what I'm saying here is that for a lot of the past year, I've been dominated by what I thought I should be and not what I actually am. No one was holding me to these vague expectations except for myself, and it took a little to long for me to realize that. After a wake-up call from my mother, a few dozen painful/hopeful conversations with my husband, a lot of time to think, and a lot of time to pray, I am finally seeing how I can be a wife and pastor's wife and still be me. When I got married, Jesus did not stop caring about me as the woman he designed me to be; he is showing me how me and Nic are fully ourselves when we love Christ first, submit to one another second, and encourage each other in our hopes and dreams. The healthiest thing I can do for our marriage is love the Lord and make sure I being who he created me to be. This means that, yes, I do support my husband in ministry, but it also means that I do the ministry that I am called to as well - the ministry to culture. I am an artist (third to wife and CHILD OF GOD); when you ask me what I am, that's what I'm saying from now on because it's pretty all-encompassing. Me doing my ministry and being fully who the Lord has made me means more to Nic than me keeping the house spotless, and that is a relief. He cares more about me spending eight hours a day on a painting than making him the fanciest dinner or even showering (my husband is the most gracious, incredible, loving, supportive man on the face of the earth). So, needless to say, looking forward looks like this:
1. I will love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.
2. I will love, honor, serve, and support Nicholas in whatever he does and follow him wherever he feels Jesus calling us.
3. I will love the girls in our ministry and live my life in such a way that inspires them to draw closer to the Lord.
4. I will paint so much that it seems like I have a problem.
5. I will host a ton of art shows that inspire people and make them want to create things themselves.
6. I will study as if my life depended on it; this means theology and aesthetics.
7. I will be a faithful steward of everything the Lord has given me: my mind, body, spouse, home, ministry, talents, past, present, and future.
8. I will love the Church and serve Her, even though she can be a mess at times.
As for Nicholas, well, he would describe his inward transformations and realizations in far less words and emotions than me. I think that the most important thing that Nicholas has realized is pretty similar to what I have realized: he is created in a unique way and Jesus has a way to use him, exactly how he is, right now. Nicholas doesn't have to be the biggest personality in the room to gain respect and be a pastor, nor does he have to feel bad about spending time watching Breakfast at Tiffany's with me and eating gelato instead of reading a deep theological book (like he did last night because he is rad). For him, being a faithful pastor, husband, and person means:
1. Loving the Lord with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength.
2. Loving, supporting, and leading me in all things.
3. Loving the place we are called to by leading Word & Prayer groups, writing music for our local congregation, studying his bum off, going back to seminary this Fall, and working at a local bookstore where he can talk to people who are seeking answers.
4. And everything else I already said that obviously applies to him as well.
[My name is Nicholas Chambers, and I approve this message.]
Pray that we would constantly allow Christ to throw off the chains we have placed on ourselves and show us who he actually wants us to be here in this place. Right now, we feel more free, joyful, loved, valuable, and at peace than I think we have in a long time. God is so good to have opened our eyes through the harsh, yet loving, twangy words of my mother (she is wonderful). Also pray that we would always have wisdom and discernment in all we do, and that every aspect of our lives would always reflect the hope we have in Christ.
Once again and always, we are thankful for your love and support.
N & K
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
It's Already May
Friends and family,
Life is good in the burgh. Married life is good; work is good; church is good; the
macaroni I just made for dinner was good; God is good. As always, we thank you for your
continued support in prayer, kind words, finances, and sometimes goodies. Here are the main things going on with
us right now:
1. Summer is
approaching and we couldn’t be happier!
Nic will be continuing his work at the home Depot (indefinitely), and I
will be a “lifeguard” for the YMCA’s summer program two days a week. So, come August, I’ll have the most
hideous tan lines ever and Nicholas will still be pasty white.
2. Summer also
means the kick-off for Bible Adventure in the Park – a weekly event for children
held at Bayne Park where we will play games and learn about Jesus. Vogue Bryant and Julie Gohn will be
working alongside The Shepherd’s Door to make sure everything runs smoothly and
everyone has a good time.
3. Word &
Prayer is starting back up in June!
We are more than ready to continue reading and praying with our
community at the Vue. Nicholas and
I are honored to say that we will be in charge of Word & Prayer from now
on, and we are very excited to start training leaders, writing up a handbook, and
making sure everyone gets to know what it’s like to study the Word of God in
community.
4. The Around
the Bend Art Exhibition is just around the corner! We have had an incredible response from the community
concerning this event. I thought
finding artists to participate would be hard, but they’ve been crawling out of
the woodwork! I think I may actually have too many artists participating… it’s
fine. Nicholas and some other
local musicians will grace everyone with their talents as everyone else checks
out some incredible art while snacking on homemade food donated by people from
the church and community.
5. Nicholas has
been writing songs faster than I can keep up with laundry. He is hoping to get some solid
recordings out soon so he can share them with you all. I married such a beautiful man.
6. Shadowfax
just tore into the bag of cheese I used in my homemade cheese sauce… if you haven’t encountered a cat after
their consumption of dairy, count yourself blessed, and pray for us
tonight.
Thanks for caring about us and reading our blog. We love you all; if there’s anything we
can ever do for you, never hesitate to ask.
N&K
Friday, January 3, 2014
Threads and Dirt
Brothers and sisters,
I know that the Lord allows for us to have a fresh start the moment we ask for it, but there is something about a new year that always takes a weight off of my chest. It's like getting a new journal; there is an infinite amount of potential for what could be written. Some years I write a lot, and some years I just end up spilling coffee on the journal and throwing it away. I like the idea that the new year offers to our culture because of the way I tend to see my life. I hear people talk about going through "seasons of life" all the time, but I haven't really ever met anyone who weirdly obsesses over analyzing every chapter of life like me. My favorite thing about reflecting on a season that has passed is finding the unifying thread, or theme, that played through the whole thing. There always is a thread, and it always applies to almost everything that I happened to experience in that season of life. I like to believe this is intentional on God's part, because I believe he is the most brilliant orchestrator of life and wants us to pay close attention to the ways he is moving. So I guess I see the "seasons" of my life more as orchestral, tapestry movements? Anyway... I'll just keep saying season to weird everyone out less. SO... sometimes the common thread ties off right when I would expect it to, like at the end of a school year; sometimes it ties off at a tragic event, like the death of a loved one; sometimes it ties off at a completely unexpected end, and sometimes that end falls on a completely cliche date when everyone else in America is feeling the same sense of finality and closure in their lives. And that is exactly what I feel has happened with me and Nic this past year.
2013 marks the hardest year of my life thus far, mostly because it was a year of God's silence. Now, for those of you who know me and Nic and everything we have been through this year, it would seem that this would be THE WORST POSSIBLE YEAR FOR GOD TO DECIDE TO STOP EXPLICITLY TELLING US WHAT TO DO. And it felt like that 99% of the time. Over the course of 2013 we experienced the following (not necessarily in chronological order): starting to plan a wedding, finishing a year of seminary work (Nic), making a really hard decision to leave a church because of a lot of complicated things, graduating from undergrad (me), deciding what to do for an internship (me), finding out I had manic depression (twice) due to a horrible reaction to birth control (me, obviously) on top of being sick for the greater portion of my last semester of college, trying to figure out where we should go after we got married, spending a summer jobless (Nic), getting married, moving to a new part of the country a week after getting married, jumping into a ministry that is still a baby with two friends, trying to find jobs in the worst job market ever, hosting two art shows without really knowing what I was doing, learning how to be married, raising support to come live where we are, raising a kitten, trying to make new friends, and all the while, holding our spiritual/emotional/mental health together. NEEDLES TO SAY, it was a taxing year for both of us. For most of it, I felt drained and helpless, like I was barely hanging on to my faith, my relationship with Nic, and my stability. However, I believe that this past year was the best thing that could have ever happened to me and Nicholas.
The Lord gave me this vision one time when I was praying, and he told me how he sees me (he told me this last winter, before the whirlwind of 2013 came pounding on my door). He brought me to the backyard of my childhood home in Kentucky. I was maybe 3 years old, and I was wearing a pink, poofy dress, running and playing in the backyard. Jesus was sitting in a lawn chair, reading a book and smoking a pipe, watching after me - the perfect father figure. He let me romp around the yard, doing as I pleased, and I knew that I was safe in this yard. I also knew that if I tried to run around the side of the house out of his sight, he'd immediately chase after me, yet there was no fence stopping me from doing so. For the most part, I stayed out of trouble playing. I would slide down the slide, play on the swings, kick my soccer ball, but then I would get myself into trouble. In this vision, I specifically got myself into trouble by eating dirt. I picked up my plastic, green gardening shovel and started going crazy on the lawn with it. I would arbitrarily make huge holes, shove my hands in the dirt and mash piles of wormy, wet soil into my mouth and all over my face. All the while, my father would read his book, but I knew he could see me. Right before I made myself really sick with all the dirt I was eating, he quietly got up, and I was ashamed. I looked up at him with big, sorrowful eyes... dirt all over my face and my pretty dress. He stooped down, took the shovel out of my hands, and showed me how to garden.
That analogy pretty much sums up our past year. The Lord stayed quiet in our lives to see what we would do, and I think we did alright. He never left us - he was always right within our reach. When we would mess up, he would stoop down to us and intervene, but as for the rest of the time, he acted as a quiet observer, just waiting for us to act.
A few weeks ago, I had a breakdown because I felt worthless. I was mad at God because he remained quiet in my life and I wanted him to just tell me what to do already. After having a huge meltdown on Nicholas one Saturday morning, I resolved to get off my butt and do something. The week following that was probably the most productive week of my year, and I saw the Lord come behind me and support me in all my efforts. I knew he would make things grow in my life, he was just waiting for me to pick up my shovel and start digging holes. He has shown me how to garden a thousand times... now he wants me to take the initiative.
The theme of 2013 was silence, but not silence that leaves an absence, but that propels forward. Now, looking toward 2014, I know that the Lord is looking for me and Nic to start stepping out and doing things in faith. If we are doing the wrong thing then we know the Lord will stoop down and take the shovel out of our hands, but in the mean time, we are going to plant like crazy. We refuse to remain idle this year, though, and we feel refreshed by a new year and a new wind of the Spirit in our lives.
So here are some things you can look forward to hearing about this year from us:
1. I am going to petition the local government to turn an empty lot into a community garden here in Bellevue.
2. Nic is going to continue writing worship music for the church and we are going to try to get him better equipment to record on so he can better share that music with others.
3. We will continue working at our jobs, and I actually picked up a morning care position at the YMCA as well!
4. I will be hosting art shows in Pittsburgh, and I am particularly excited about the one I am trying to get going in Bellevue for the Spring!
5. We are hosting a Bible study called "Word & Prayer" at our house starting next week.
6. We are continuing to minister to the people the Lord has entrusted us at the Vue and praying that he gives us wisdom and guidance as we move forward into this year.
7. I am going to start writing more of my dreams/visions/metaphors down and publishing them. Nic convicted me that they can really help people understand themselves and their spirituality and relationship to God... so even though they make me feel like I am crazy, I am going to try sharing them for the church's sake. You can be looking for my analogy of the caverns coming soon.
Thank you all for your prayers and support. We pray that in 2014 you would allow the Lord to govern your hearts to do things you'd never imagine you could do for the kingdom and his glory.
N&K
I know that the Lord allows for us to have a fresh start the moment we ask for it, but there is something about a new year that always takes a weight off of my chest. It's like getting a new journal; there is an infinite amount of potential for what could be written. Some years I write a lot, and some years I just end up spilling coffee on the journal and throwing it away. I like the idea that the new year offers to our culture because of the way I tend to see my life. I hear people talk about going through "seasons of life" all the time, but I haven't really ever met anyone who weirdly obsesses over analyzing every chapter of life like me. My favorite thing about reflecting on a season that has passed is finding the unifying thread, or theme, that played through the whole thing. There always is a thread, and it always applies to almost everything that I happened to experience in that season of life. I like to believe this is intentional on God's part, because I believe he is the most brilliant orchestrator of life and wants us to pay close attention to the ways he is moving. So I guess I see the "seasons" of my life more as orchestral, tapestry movements? Anyway... I'll just keep saying season to weird everyone out less. SO... sometimes the common thread ties off right when I would expect it to, like at the end of a school year; sometimes it ties off at a tragic event, like the death of a loved one; sometimes it ties off at a completely unexpected end, and sometimes that end falls on a completely cliche date when everyone else in America is feeling the same sense of finality and closure in their lives. And that is exactly what I feel has happened with me and Nic this past year.
2013 marks the hardest year of my life thus far, mostly because it was a year of God's silence. Now, for those of you who know me and Nic and everything we have been through this year, it would seem that this would be THE WORST POSSIBLE YEAR FOR GOD TO DECIDE TO STOP EXPLICITLY TELLING US WHAT TO DO. And it felt like that 99% of the time. Over the course of 2013 we experienced the following (not necessarily in chronological order): starting to plan a wedding, finishing a year of seminary work (Nic), making a really hard decision to leave a church because of a lot of complicated things, graduating from undergrad (me), deciding what to do for an internship (me), finding out I had manic depression (twice) due to a horrible reaction to birth control (me, obviously) on top of being sick for the greater portion of my last semester of college, trying to figure out where we should go after we got married, spending a summer jobless (Nic), getting married, moving to a new part of the country a week after getting married, jumping into a ministry that is still a baby with two friends, trying to find jobs in the worst job market ever, hosting two art shows without really knowing what I was doing, learning how to be married, raising support to come live where we are, raising a kitten, trying to make new friends, and all the while, holding our spiritual/emotional/mental health together. NEEDLES TO SAY, it was a taxing year for both of us. For most of it, I felt drained and helpless, like I was barely hanging on to my faith, my relationship with Nic, and my stability. However, I believe that this past year was the best thing that could have ever happened to me and Nicholas.
The Lord gave me this vision one time when I was praying, and he told me how he sees me (he told me this last winter, before the whirlwind of 2013 came pounding on my door). He brought me to the backyard of my childhood home in Kentucky. I was maybe 3 years old, and I was wearing a pink, poofy dress, running and playing in the backyard. Jesus was sitting in a lawn chair, reading a book and smoking a pipe, watching after me - the perfect father figure. He let me romp around the yard, doing as I pleased, and I knew that I was safe in this yard. I also knew that if I tried to run around the side of the house out of his sight, he'd immediately chase after me, yet there was no fence stopping me from doing so. For the most part, I stayed out of trouble playing. I would slide down the slide, play on the swings, kick my soccer ball, but then I would get myself into trouble. In this vision, I specifically got myself into trouble by eating dirt. I picked up my plastic, green gardening shovel and started going crazy on the lawn with it. I would arbitrarily make huge holes, shove my hands in the dirt and mash piles of wormy, wet soil into my mouth and all over my face. All the while, my father would read his book, but I knew he could see me. Right before I made myself really sick with all the dirt I was eating, he quietly got up, and I was ashamed. I looked up at him with big, sorrowful eyes... dirt all over my face and my pretty dress. He stooped down, took the shovel out of my hands, and showed me how to garden.
That analogy pretty much sums up our past year. The Lord stayed quiet in our lives to see what we would do, and I think we did alright. He never left us - he was always right within our reach. When we would mess up, he would stoop down to us and intervene, but as for the rest of the time, he acted as a quiet observer, just waiting for us to act.
A few weeks ago, I had a breakdown because I felt worthless. I was mad at God because he remained quiet in my life and I wanted him to just tell me what to do already. After having a huge meltdown on Nicholas one Saturday morning, I resolved to get off my butt and do something. The week following that was probably the most productive week of my year, and I saw the Lord come behind me and support me in all my efforts. I knew he would make things grow in my life, he was just waiting for me to pick up my shovel and start digging holes. He has shown me how to garden a thousand times... now he wants me to take the initiative.
The theme of 2013 was silence, but not silence that leaves an absence, but that propels forward. Now, looking toward 2014, I know that the Lord is looking for me and Nic to start stepping out and doing things in faith. If we are doing the wrong thing then we know the Lord will stoop down and take the shovel out of our hands, but in the mean time, we are going to plant like crazy. We refuse to remain idle this year, though, and we feel refreshed by a new year and a new wind of the Spirit in our lives.
So here are some things you can look forward to hearing about this year from us:
1. I am going to petition the local government to turn an empty lot into a community garden here in Bellevue.
2. Nic is going to continue writing worship music for the church and we are going to try to get him better equipment to record on so he can better share that music with others.
3. We will continue working at our jobs, and I actually picked up a morning care position at the YMCA as well!
4. I will be hosting art shows in Pittsburgh, and I am particularly excited about the one I am trying to get going in Bellevue for the Spring!
5. We are hosting a Bible study called "Word & Prayer" at our house starting next week.
6. We are continuing to minister to the people the Lord has entrusted us at the Vue and praying that he gives us wisdom and guidance as we move forward into this year.
7. I am going to start writing more of my dreams/visions/metaphors down and publishing them. Nic convicted me that they can really help people understand themselves and their spirituality and relationship to God... so even though they make me feel like I am crazy, I am going to try sharing them for the church's sake. You can be looking for my analogy of the caverns coming soon.
Thank you all for your prayers and support. We pray that in 2014 you would allow the Lord to govern your hearts to do things you'd never imagine you could do for the kingdom and his glory.
N&K
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