Friends & Family,
As always, we thank you for your continued prayers and support as we figure out how to be Jesus to the people of Pittsburgh. The spiritual, emotional, moral, and financial support you so generously and kindly provide always humbles us; we know it is Christ working in and through you, and we praise him for that! Thank you for being faithful to us just as Christ is; be sure that we always see him in you.
Over the past month or so, we have experienced some changes in ourselves that were neither expected nor exactly pleasant at the time (what transformation is?). I think it mostly started on the 4th of July when I had an emotional breakdown at my parents' house in Kentucky. Emotional breakdown is actually too kind a term to use... I had a full-blown pity-party. While Nicholas tried to console me (yet still breathe hard truths into me and ask me challenging questions about the deep-rooted issues that were causing me to feel this way), my mother simply looked at me and said, "You just need to get over it and stop feeling sorry for yourself." Oh, the dear Lord knew that in that moment I just needed a smack in the face from my beautiful Kentucky mother. Until she looked my pain in the face with the warmest, most clarifying apathy I've ever experienced, I didn't even know that the root problem of my heart was self-pity, and a self-pity brought on by the cloud of expectation that I had allowed to loom over my head for far too long.
You see, where I come from (the South), being a wife means that you stay at home, clean the house every day, have a million babies, and live to serve the every whim of your husband and give up every dream you ever had. That's all. Now, I am not saying that I do not keep a clean house, hope to be a mother some day, or do not lovingly submit to my husband in all things, but I have always known I have been gifted with more talent to use for Christ's kingdom than just my reproductive system and ability to scrub a floor. However, instead of letting Christ show me exactly the kind of wife he wanted me to be over the past year, I just tried to shove myself into the role of a typical Southern house-wife, and I failed HARD (and I am not bashing women who are stay-at-home mothers... y'all deserve to get paid millions of dollars every year and you're saints and the best people alive). Yet, because of my inability to be like this kind of woman, I constantly felt like a failure. What's worse, though, is that over the past year, I haven't just become a wife, but a pastor's wife. So, not only have I been killing myself trying to be a sexy-flawless-apron-wearing-cleaning-baking-always-smiling wife; I have also been killing myself trying to be the kind of woman that always has fresh coffee and homemade biscotti waiting for the five thousand women I'm supposed to "mentor," who never EVER misses a Sunday at church, bakes something for every occasion, volunteers for every position available, and who only goes by the name of "Nic's-wife." And, once again, I have failed HORRIBLY at being this kind of woman (and thank JESUS I go to a church that does not expect me to be a nameless robot, but a human being with her own set of skills and interests who doesn't get persecuted for missing a Sunday and not knowing everyone's name - AND I AM NOT BASHING PASTOR'S WIVES WHO LIVE TO BE MOTHER'S OF THE CHURCH AND BAKE AND BABYSIT AND NURTURE BECAUSE YOU ALL ARE INCREDIBLE AND BEAUTIFUL AND I LOOK UP TO YOU). I just don't 100% fit this mold, even though I do like talking to women at the church, going to church (duh), baking on occasion, and even volunteering! These are all lovely things.
I guess the gist of what I'm saying here is that for a lot of the past year, I've been dominated by what I thought I should be and not what I actually am. No one was holding me to these vague expectations except for myself, and it took a little to long for me to realize that. After a wake-up call from my mother, a few dozen painful/hopeful conversations with my husband, a lot of time to think, and a lot of time to pray, I am finally seeing how I can be a wife and pastor's wife and still be me. When I got married, Jesus did not stop caring about me as the woman he designed me to be; he is showing me how me and Nic are fully ourselves when we love Christ first, submit to one another second, and encourage each other in our hopes and dreams. The healthiest thing I can do for our marriage is love the Lord and make sure I being who he created me to be. This means that, yes, I do support my husband in ministry, but it also means that I do the ministry that I am called to as well - the ministry to culture. I am an artist (third to wife and CHILD OF GOD); when you ask me what I am, that's what I'm saying from now on because it's pretty all-encompassing. Me doing my ministry and being fully who the Lord has made me means more to Nic than me keeping the house spotless, and that is a relief. He cares more about me spending eight hours a day on a painting than making him the fanciest dinner or even showering (my husband is the most gracious, incredible, loving, supportive man on the face of the earth). So, needless to say, looking forward looks like this:
1. I will love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.
2. I will love, honor, serve, and support Nicholas in whatever he does and follow him wherever he feels Jesus calling us.
3. I will love the girls in our ministry and live my life in such a way that inspires them to draw closer to the Lord.
4. I will paint so much that it seems like I have a problem.
5. I will host a ton of art shows that inspire people and make them want to create things themselves.
6. I will study as if my life depended on it; this means theology and aesthetics.
7. I will be a faithful steward of everything the Lord has given me: my mind, body, spouse, home, ministry, talents, past, present, and future.
8. I will love the Church and serve Her, even though she can be a mess at times.
As for Nicholas, well, he would describe his inward transformations and realizations in far less words and emotions than me. I think that the most important thing that Nicholas has realized is pretty similar to what I have realized: he is created in a unique way and Jesus has a way to use him, exactly how he is, right now. Nicholas doesn't have to be the biggest personality in the room to gain respect and be a pastor, nor does he have to feel bad about spending time watching Breakfast at Tiffany's with me and eating gelato instead of reading a deep theological book (like he did last night because he is rad). For him, being a faithful pastor, husband, and person means:
1. Loving the Lord with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength.
2. Loving, supporting, and leading me in all things.
3. Loving the place we are called to by leading Word & Prayer groups, writing music for our local congregation, studying his bum off, going back to seminary this Fall, and working at a local bookstore where he can talk to people who are seeking answers.
4. And everything else I already said that obviously applies to him as well.
[My name is Nicholas Chambers, and I approve this message.]
Pray that we would constantly allow Christ to throw off the chains we have placed on ourselves and show us who he actually wants us to be here in this place. Right now, we feel more free, joyful, loved, valuable, and at peace than I think we have in a long time. God is so good to have opened our eyes through the harsh, yet loving, twangy words of my mother (she is wonderful). Also pray that we would always have wisdom and discernment in all we do, and that every aspect of our lives would always reflect the hope we have in Christ.
Once again and always, we are thankful for your love and support.
N & K
